I’m not one to poo-poo technology very often. I live and breathe the stuff. It’s my life and what I do for a living. However, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend that needs to be addressed.
First, there was email. It was quick and easy. You could send a message to anyone who had an email account (short of the oddball services like Prodigy and Compuserve). This worked very well, but it took a bit of personalization away from our communication. What used to take at least a bit of effort was now pretty simple to do. In the past, you had to get your pen and paper, write your note, address an envelope, stamp it, lick it and then send it. With email, it was type and click…done…sent…just like that.
Then, there was fucking texting. I never got into texting because there was email. Why would I want to send a message from my phone? Texting was for teens and I was in my 30s. Also, texting was really a fucking pain in the ass to do. Let’s cram an entire keyboard into 10 keys. Let’s shoot me in the head. Texting dawned the age of text lingo. Holy fuck! What’s happening to our youth? No more capital letters. No punctuation. Mixing letters and numbers 2 get ur point across.
Now, we have Twitter. Twitter has made communication so passive that you don’t even have to send a message to anyone, you just broadcast it to everyone in the fucking world. And to make matters worse, you only get 140 characters to do it. They call it “micro-blogging.” I call it “pick up the fucking phone if you want to tell me what you are doing.”
I actually tried Twitter for a while. In fact, I kinda thought it was cool until all of my friends started using it and starting sending direct messages to each other using Twitter. Hello? I can see your messages back and forth! If you want to have a conversation, pick up the fucking phone! At least text each other.
So I got a complaint one night that all my “tweets” were annoying 2 of my friends. And then it dawned on me. What the fuck was I doing? I’m 41 for christ sake. Does anyone really care what I’m thinking about? Probably not. Short of a clever status updates on Facebook, no one wants to know that I’m “in line at Costco” or “pushing out a nugget in mall restrooms.” Facebook status updates are a place to express your individuality, not a place to communicate anything of substance. I’m waiting for the day when…oh fuck, it’s already happened…the day when someone uses Facebook to announce to their “friends” that a family member has died. How sad…not even a text.
So, back to Twitter. I’m thinking of starting a new “nano-blogging” site called lmf.com (lazy mother fucker dot com). The site works like this: You get 12 characters to express yourself and the message get’s printed on fortune cookie message type paper. We then take that paper and load up giant fucking airplanes with all the messages each day and drop them all over the world including vastly underpopulated areas like Australia’s outback and western Guam. People will then read your messages and instantly feel better about themselves.